I wasn't happy...

Hello, Gorgeous!

So splendid to meet again! I have just poured myself a geneous glass of water, added some lime juice to ad and topped it with a few ice cubes. What a refreshing way to come, sit and chat with your over the past summer. How are you, my friend? What's swirling in your world? Believe it or not I would love to know where you are in your life explorations. Are you happy? And if not, what needs to change?

I wasn't that happy this summer, and I am perfectly aware that there is a hint of judgement floating in between lines. With the hot months kicking in I found myself become grumpier and grumpier. I almost divorced - no worries, they were just feisty fights - I almost closed my business - no worries, I'm still here - I almost moved houses - no worries, I'm still in Belgium. Actually, to be honest, there is no other place I would rather be than in Belgium in September. I adore the weather, the gentle warm days, the cool evening, the smell of fading leaves, of drying grass, the glow of the sunset in my pink skies... for which I am immensely grateful every day. It's true that nature could be happier with a bit more rain, and I'm sure it will bring it on at the right time.

Acknowledging that I were no longer happy was one of the hardest things I have ever had to face in my entire life. Being unhappy is a choice... why would anyone choose that? I have no clue what made me choose that, yet I know for sure... that didn't work for me. So... I asked one question: What needs to change here?/ What requires to shift here and I am stubbornly refusing to let it shift? - yes, I am a Taurus, therefore I can be very stubborn with my righteousness, ha -ha!

When you are swimming in a pool of unhappiness is kind of difficult to see what would make you happy, but the Universe is always there to pull in all those elements that are required for 'the shift' that you are asking for. This is how I chose to attend the "Body Series", an online program of 3 months with Simone Milasas. About the same time I reached out to Simona Hanga and I asked her to coach me through getting my strength and flexibility of my body. Barré fitness is just amazing!

Every morning (with a few exceptions that I can count on my fingers from one hand) I got out on my gym mat with the promise 'Just the joints'. Little did I know that my joints would nudge me towards a plank challenge and a crazy cardio challenge, or that I would be rearranging my so called 'busy life' with long morning sleeps into early transformation sessions since end of June.

In July, when Blu joined the family she brought with her the energy of curiosity and inquiry and no point of view. She challenged all the fixities in our lives and she is still stretching our allowance muscles when she is naughty or intense or simply all over the place, barking like a 'big' dog from her 20cm height and 4kgs, scrapping toilet paper, stealing underwear and hiding it in the garden.

August was a quiet month in the business. Both my projects and my husband's - yes, we operate under the same company name - reached a halt moment. A painful one where anything I wasn't willing to look at required presence. All I can say is that... it was taugh!

As conter-intuitive as it seemed, I chose to let myself be a failure. If I were failing, at least to be failing big time. Watch out what you're asking for, as... your word is Universe's command. Yet, once through the process of de-judgementalizing (I invented this word) my choices I had a deep look into what made me unhappy. Something had to change! And it did.

Though it didn't make sense back then, I started an intermittent fasting - I know, you think it's not related, but it is - I continued the movement and I got back to my dear and wise "morning pages", to my regular writing practice. I pushed myself a bit deeper in the sea of social media and tried out new things which I thought were stupid and scaring. Note to self: All things seem either stupid or scary if you want to be right at all costs. But if you're curious, the Universe shows you more than you could think is possible. Like when you're hiking up a mountain, all you see is the rock in front of you. You might want to take a rest, you might want to catch your breath, but the view is still the same. It takes frigging courage and determination to take 2 more steps. For when you reach that top, above the clouds that blurred your vision, that's where possibilities come out and play with you. They are looking for you, you don't have to wonder whether they really exist. They will tickle you, reminding you of YOU! And that my friend, is priceless!

Yesterday evening I was talking to my husband telling him: I am happy! I am in love with this gorgeous body all over again! It's magic, it's fabulous! It's strong and maleable and joyous when I don't cover it in judgement. The sunrise is so beautiful and powerful, I can hardly wait to take a deep breath in the morning. And I can't point what shifted exactly. There were many things I did, and there is so much more of me.

In case you're wondering why I am telling you all this... I'm inviting you to be present with the most painful areas in your life. To be gentle and kind with yourself there where you'd rather judge yourself than hold you in your arms. You are not wrong for whatever you choose. You are not right either. But when you know that your point of view creates your reality, why not choose for something that makes you happy and giggly and reminds you of the generosity of spirit that you truly be?

What needs to shift? What is it required of you to let go of? Would you be willing to choose you?

With fun and giggles,

Selena